What an EMDR Session Is Actually Like

EMDR is an evidence-based therapy that helps people process distressing experiences so they carry less emotional charge. While you briefly hold a memory in mind, you follow a gentle back-and-forth stimulus, such as eye movements or alternating taps. Over time, the memory tends to feel more distant and less overwhelming.

It is especially well supported for PTSD and trauma, and research also shows benefits for related anxiety and depression symptoms. EMDR can help reduce emotional triggers, distressing memories, negative beliefs, and the feeling of being stuck in the past.

The first sessions are about getting to know you, not about diving into your hardest memories. We talk about what brings you in, your history, your current stressors, and what you would like to be different. Nothing is processed until we both feel you are ready.

Together we identify the experiences, triggers, or beliefs that seem to keep you stuck. Some people come in with one clear event in mind. Others notice a pattern, such as a recurring sense of “I am not safe” or “it is my fault,” without knowing where it started. Both are good starting points.

Preparation builds the stability that makes processing feel safe. Before working with difficult memories, we practice tools to calm your nervous system, so you know you can settle yourself if feelings get strong during or between sessions.

These tools might include a calm or safe place visualization, grounding exercises, breathing techniques, and mindfulness-based skills. We also agree on a stop signal, so you are always in control of the pace. For some people preparation takes a session or two; for others it takes longer, and that is perfectly fine.

In a processing session, you briefly bring a chosen memory to mind while following sets of bilateral stimulation. Between sets, you pause, notice what comes up, and share a few words. You do not need to describe the memory in detail or relive it out loud.

Here is roughly how it goes, moment by moment:

• Setting up the target. We identify the memory, the image that represents its worst moment, the negative belief attached to it, the emotions, and where you feel it in your body. You rate how disturbing it feels right now.
• Naming a preferred belief. We also name what you would rather believe, for example “I did the best I could” or “I am safe now,” and you rate how true that feels.
• Sets of bilateral stimulation. You follow my hand or a moving light with your eyes, or feel alternating taps, for about half a minute at a time while noticing whatever comes up.
• Brief check-ins. After each set, I ask something simple like “What are you noticing now?” Thoughts, images, feelings, or body sensations may shift. We keep going from wherever you are.
• Closing the session. Toward the end, we make sure you feel settled, using the calming tools from preparation if needed, even if the memory is not fully processed yet.

Many people are surprised by how the mind makes its own connections. A memory may link to another one, to a new insight, or to a sense of relief. My role is to keep the process safe and on track, not to tell you what you should feel.

After a processing session, people often feel tired, lighter, or reflective, and sometimes a bit raw. Processing can continue between sessions, which can show up as vivid dreams, new insights, or passing emotions. This is common and usually settles within a day or two.

I recommend planning something gentle after sessions when you can, such as a walk or a quiet evening. Keeping brief notes about anything that comes up between sessions can be helpful to bring into our next meeting. If you feel unsettled, the calming tools we practiced are there for you to use.

Yes. EMDR can be done through secure video sessions. Instead of following my hand in the room, you may follow a moving target on your screen or use self-administered taps, such as the “butterfly hug.” Preparation, check-ins, and closing work the same way.

For video sessions, choose a private space where you will not be interrupted, and keep water and something comforting nearby. Sessions are available by secure video for clients located anywhere in New York and New Jersey. You can read more on the therapy in New York and therapy in New Jersey pages.

It is natural to have questions before trying something new. Here are the concerns I hear most often:

• “Will I lose control?” No. You are awake, aware, and in charge the whole time. You can pause whenever you need to.
• “Do I have to tell you every detail?” No. EMDR does not require a detailed retelling. A few words are enough for us to work together.
• “Is it hypnosis?” No. EMDR does not involve hypnosis or altered states. You remain fully present in the room or on the call.
• “What if I do not remember everything?” That is fine. We work with what you do remember, including feelings and body sensations.
• “How many sessions will it take?” It varies from person to person, depending on what we are working on and your history. We will review progress together as we go.

If you are wondering whether EMDR could help with what you are carrying, you do not have to decide on your own. I offer a free 15-minute phone or video consultation to talk through what you are looking for and whether we are a good fit. Request a free consultation.